Perfectionism

I, like many, would like to do things perfectly.  Perfectly, the first time I do them.  It has been an expectation that has both crippled me and crushed me.  It has frozen me in my tracks, prevented me from doing so many things, from learning many new things.  For years, my own expectations of keeping a perfectly clean home prevented me from doing anything because I knew I could not do it just right.

In the last year, I have been teaching myself that it is ok not to be perfect. Through taking care of my house, I am learning that any effort is a good effort.  I'm learning that I don't have to do things perfectly someone else's way. I can do things just fine my own way.  I am learning that it is acceptable, preferable even, to do a little even if I can't do a lot.

It's been a rough road. I've procrastinated plenty.  So much that it had become a habit.  I had to break that habit before it dragged me down any further.  I used my routines to break myself of procrastination, but it took determination.

I could make all of the pretty pieces of paper with routines on them, I could dress them up in cute notebooks, I could post them on my refrigerator or walls.  I had to make the decision to follow the routines.  I did that one day at a time. 

At first I made a daily routine.  Having each day scheduled was ok, but in all honesty, I don't like being hemmed in by a routine on a daily basis.  I didn't need every hour accounted for.  It was just one more way to set myself up for failure. It was trying to be perfect on a daily basis.  It didn't work.

So, I turned to the internet to do some research.  Along the way I discovered all sorts of other ways to get the chores in the house done.  I learned about a weekly cleaning routine, which did not fence me in hour by hour.  It made me see that I could take the tasks bit by bit, instead of all at once.  Small bites are easier to chew than big ones.

The weekly routine also let me see that if I missed a day, it was no big deal. I just had to begin again on the next day.  So what if my  bedroom didn't get cleaned one week, or my kitchen didn't get wiped down.  I had cleaned my family room, so I'd done something positive.  The next week I could work on my bedroom and/or the kitchen.

This release from having the house perfect at all times was freeing. The knowledge that I could take it a little at a time, and didn't have to start at the beginning of the list each time I procrastinated and got nothing done for a day or two was a relief.

Slowly, I began to clean more.  A day here, a day there.  Then a couple days here and there.  Eventually, I made it up to doing a whole week of my routine.  That was exciting for me.  I'm still working on getting in a whole week of my routine.  There are some tasks I just don't want to do. I'm not sure if it's perfectionism or pure laziness that is holding me back, but it doesn't matter.  I start anew each day and forgive myself for not getting done the tasks I skipped.

I'm learning.  My house doesn't have to be perfectly clean to be better for my cleaning.  I'm learning that I don't have to be perfect.