Still Climbing

I'm still trying to climb out of my hole.  My mood has been better overall, but my energy levels continue to sag.  I spent most of Saturday sleeping.  I did however walk each day from Monday through Sunday.  A whole week of walks.  Now my dogs expect to walk every morning, which is good because it helps me get up and move.

I've been trying to make good choices about what I do each day.  Sleep has been winning over housework, I admit.  My big choice this week is to seek out friends and do some socializing.  My tendency when I'm depressed is to become a hermit.  So I am going to defy that desire and get out more.  I already have two lunch dates set up.

Now on to housework.  I have about 2 hours until I'm supposed to leave for lunch today.  In that time, my goal is to get dishes done, do some laundry, and clean the two bathrooms.  It's completely do-able.  I just have to avoid the bed and the couch and the recliner.  Otherwise I'll fall asleep!

Breaking the Cycle

For so many years of living with the cycle, I've let myself drown in the days of down.  I'd sleep, eat horrible food which just made the urge to sleep worse, and I'd avoid all things healthy, like exercise.  This past week, I found myself down again.  I was sleeping during the day, not doing my housework, and my kid was late to school several times because I just couldn't handle the fight to force him out of bed.

On Sunday night, after a particularly rough day at work, I decided it was going to stop.  The next day, Monday, I was going to pull myself together and begin the climb out of the hole.  I've made this decision before in the past...and promptly rolled back over and went back to sleep.  Monday morning, yesterday morning, I reaffirmed my decision to have both a better attitude and a more productive day.

I got my kid off to school on time, thanks to the fact that he got himself out of bed without my nagging him.  As we were leaving for school, I made my first solid choice towards feeling better: I packed the dogs into the car with us, ready to take a walk at the park.  I dropped the boy off at school and immediately drove to the park to explore the nature path with the puppies.  They enjoyed the time out of the house.  Although I felt like I was dragging myself down the muddy path after them, I did have a clearer head by the end of the walk.

Unfortunately when we got home, I laid down on the bed for awhile, ruining any momentum I had gained.  When I dragged myself out of bed around noon, I made another choice towards feeling better.  Housework was too daunting, so instead I went grocery shopping.  It wasn't a happy trip. I felt like I was wading through molasses most of the time, and I had a horrible headache.  But I did it and I made sure I bought fresh fruit and vegetables. 

That was another decision in the positive direction.  I also bought orange juice.  I'm not normally a juice drinker, but yesterday afternoon, I was drinking glass after glass of orange juice!  I honestly think it helped perk me up.  By the time my husband got home, I had cleaned up the kitchen and made dinner from scratch. If you had told me in the beginning of the day that I'd have the energy to do either of those, let alone one of them, I'd have laughed at you.

Decision by decision, choice by choice, I'm determining how my day will go.  Rather than let my mood decide what I do in the day, I'm trying to make what I do during the day decide my mood.  Today, I once more took the dogs to the park after dropping off my son.  Although I came home and laid down again, when I got up I cleaned the bathrooms.  Yes, I did lay down again after I did that, too.  I am up now though, drinking my orange juice and contemplating the pile of laundry that needs folding. 

I may not be a model of productivity, but every step I take towards being more productive, is a step in the right direction.

The Cycle

It seems to be a never-ending cycle in my life.  I have ups and downs that last for weeks or months on end.  Last week, a downturn hit me.  Getting out of bed, staying out of bed, is like slogging through mud.  The thought of cleaning is daunting because I feel like I don't have energy.

As a consequence, my house has fallen back into the cluttered mess it once was.  My husband, bless him, took time this weekend to catch up on the laundry I hadn't done last week.  He did dishes, fixed meals.  He even brought me flowers and chocolate in an effort to make my day better.  He's an awesome husband, in case you couldn't tell.

I told myself last night and this morning that today would be better, that I'd get some stuff done.  It's 11:45am now and I have accomplished nothing around the house.  I did get the boy-child to school on time and I took the dogs for a stroll at the local park.  I made an attempt to do something today - taking the dogs for a walk was a definite move to improve my general mood.

So, what about the house?  I am going to take myself grocery shopping first of all.  The house is getting somewhat barren of things to eat.  From there...I guess we'll see.  I'd like to get bathrooms cleaned and get the laundry that my husband washed folded and put away.  Here's hoping...

Here's hoping the down turns up soon.  I don't like this feeling.

A Fresh Start

Yesterday was cool and gray.  My ears were itchy and painful.  I was grumpy.  I didn't get anything done around the house.  I did not follow my routine which said I was supposed to clean the kitchen and dining room.  I went to the doctor and then sat around watching movies and crocheting.

I could let this day off totally kill my routine.  I could let it be an obstacle I can't go over.  I could get distressed because, oh by the way, we're having company over tonight and the kitchen floor has paw prints from the dogs, among other things.

Instead, I will return to the regularly scheduled program: I will pick up with today's chores and forget about yesterday's.  Oh, if I have time and energy I may still take care of the kitchen and dining room. But I am not going to stress over them.  I will not get hung up on the fact that I missed day. I will move forward from where I stand, not trying to make up the day I missed, forgiving myself the day I took to rest.

Each morning, I have the chance to start over, to make a fresh start.  Each day I make the choice to let yesterday affect my mood today, or to forget about yesterday's choices, indiscretions or mistakes.  My favorite line from the movie The Lion King is from Rafiki.  He whacks Simba on the head and Simba says, "Ow! What was that for?!" Rafiki grins and says, "It doesn't matter! It's in the past!"

In the past, I have a let a day like yesterday freeze me.  I'd see the daunting task of catching up with yesterday AND doing today's list.  I'd feel immediately overwhelmed.  Then the feelings of inadequacy, self bashing, the feeling of being a failure, would rise.  I'd throw my hands up and give up....there goes the routine.  For months, I'd avoid doing all but the most basic chores, simply because I'd missed that one day and gotten discouraged.

It's only when I took Rafiki's words to heart that I began to move forward, to realize that one day does not make a shambles of the routine I've set.  Taking one day off when I'm not feeling well, or have other things that are drawing my attention, is not a horrible thing.  I can't beat myself up over it.  I can't lose sight of the bigger picture - which is to make my home comfortable and neat. 

Nina Simone sings a song called Feelin' Good.  It's been a favorite of mine since high school.  It reminds me that each day I get the chance to start my life over, to choose to feel good instead of bad.  When I remember the song, it inspires me to be kind to myself after a bad day.  It frees me to begin my routine over again from where I stand, with no regrets or flagellation for having an off day.

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day! It's a new life for me.....and I'm feelin' good."

Perfectionism

I, like many, would like to do things perfectly.  Perfectly, the first time I do them.  It has been an expectation that has both crippled me and crushed me.  It has frozen me in my tracks, prevented me from doing so many things, from learning many new things.  For years, my own expectations of keeping a perfectly clean home prevented me from doing anything because I knew I could not do it just right.

In the last year, I have been teaching myself that it is ok not to be perfect. Through taking care of my house, I am learning that any effort is a good effort.  I'm learning that I don't have to do things perfectly someone else's way. I can do things just fine my own way.  I am learning that it is acceptable, preferable even, to do a little even if I can't do a lot.

It's been a rough road. I've procrastinated plenty.  So much that it had become a habit.  I had to break that habit before it dragged me down any further.  I used my routines to break myself of procrastination, but it took determination.

I could make all of the pretty pieces of paper with routines on them, I could dress them up in cute notebooks, I could post them on my refrigerator or walls.  I had to make the decision to follow the routines.  I did that one day at a time. 

At first I made a daily routine.  Having each day scheduled was ok, but in all honesty, I don't like being hemmed in by a routine on a daily basis.  I didn't need every hour accounted for.  It was just one more way to set myself up for failure. It was trying to be perfect on a daily basis.  It didn't work.

So, I turned to the internet to do some research.  Along the way I discovered all sorts of other ways to get the chores in the house done.  I learned about a weekly cleaning routine, which did not fence me in hour by hour.  It made me see that I could take the tasks bit by bit, instead of all at once.  Small bites are easier to chew than big ones.

The weekly routine also let me see that if I missed a day, it was no big deal. I just had to begin again on the next day.  So what if my  bedroom didn't get cleaned one week, or my kitchen didn't get wiped down.  I had cleaned my family room, so I'd done something positive.  The next week I could work on my bedroom and/or the kitchen.

This release from having the house perfect at all times was freeing. The knowledge that I could take it a little at a time, and didn't have to start at the beginning of the list each time I procrastinated and got nothing done for a day or two was a relief.

Slowly, I began to clean more.  A day here, a day there.  Then a couple days here and there.  Eventually, I made it up to doing a whole week of my routine.  That was exciting for me.  I'm still working on getting in a whole week of my routine.  There are some tasks I just don't want to do. I'm not sure if it's perfectionism or pure laziness that is holding me back, but it doesn't matter.  I start anew each day and forgive myself for not getting done the tasks I skipped.

I'm learning.  My house doesn't have to be perfectly clean to be better for my cleaning.  I'm learning that I don't have to be perfect.

Chaos Lives Within

I believe the state of my home is a reflection of the state of my mind.  When my mind is full of discouragement, black thoughts, and general chaos, so my house is full of mess and chaos.  I'm not sure which comes first, but I think it may depend on the day.  If that's true, then I can influence my mood and emotions by keeping a clean house.  Likewise, I can keep a cleaner house when my mood is up.

So, what do I do when both my mind and home are in chaos?  How can I climb out of the black hole in my mind and free my home from the disaster?

Start cleaning. 

That's what I should do, anyhow.  The very act of cleaning can be a meditation, a sacred act of prayer.  Prayer and meditation calm the mind and help me sort out my confusing and often depressed thoughts and feelings. During some of my most distressed times, the repetitive motion of some chores have brought things more clearly into focus and stabilized my frantic thoughts. 

When I clean to calm my mind, I choose a task which I can concentrate on fully.  Doing the dishes, cleaning baseboards, folding laundry.  It's very hard to multitask when doing these.  Multitasking causes more jumble in the mind.  If I focus in on one job, giving it my full attention until it is done, I am practicing mindfulness and creating a quiet space for my thoughts to rest.

Sometimes, instead of starting with cleaning the house, I will work on cleaning my mind first.  I will journal, draw, or crochet.  These things also calm my mind and sort me out, giving me momentum to carry on and clean the house.  What do you do to calm your mind when it is in chaos?  Could you make a chore into a meditation?

More about Mindfulness and Chores

Music to Motivate

I find music helpful in gearing me up to do my work around the house.  It has to be upbeat, something I can sing along with, and have a good beat that I can bop around to. 

Occasionally, I'll go with my album collection, but recently I've been listening to Pandora.  I have a station based on Train, one based on Billy Joel and a few others.  The Train and Billy Joel stations are the ones I listen to most when I am cleaning, though.

I started to wonder why music motivates me so much.  When I looked it up, I found this article from The Globe and Mail and realized how much it makes sense.  The music stimulates our brains and causes changes in our system which energize us.  The right music can affect your mood positively.

What music motivates you?  Maybe some of your suggestions will give me other options for musical motivation!

Just Do It!

The only way I get my chores done some days is to stop thinking about doing them and just get them done.  The more I think about how much I don't want to do them, the less likely it is that I'll do the jobs.

Still, getting up to do the chores takes some energy and some days I just don't have it.  Some days other things are sucking the emotional energy from me, making me feel like it's all hopeless.  Other days, I'm just so tired physically that the thought of doing ONE MORE thing seems as unlikely as a pig flying.

It just so happens that today is one of those emotional days.  However, so far I have taken care of my zoo of animals, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, started laundry and dragged my son out of bed.  That last one takes a Herculean effort.  How did I do it when all I really want to do is crawl in a hole?

I started with my brood of creatures.  The dogs were looking at me with their big, soulful eyes and I knew I wouldn't be able to get away without feeding them.  The cats were hovering around the water bowl which they had emptied overnight.  They'd be whining at me soon.  Cats and dogs needed medicine too.  So, for the sake of not having animals following me around the house all morning, I took care of them.

Then, I thought of how much nicer my hole would be if it was a bit cleaner.  If the kitchen wasn't stacked with dishes, I'd be less likely to feel miserable about those.  I still have the hand-wash dishes to do, but at least the kitchen isn't overflowing with plates, bowls and glasses.  Getting the first step done, the dishwasher dishes, makes it all seem less overwhelming.  (We didn't do dishes all weekend, so there's been some catching up to do.)

The laundry has gotten started because I don't want to leave my husband without socks to wear.  He told me two days ago that he would need clean socks soon and I didn't do anything about it over the weekend.  So, I started a load of laundry that has his socks in it in an effort not to disappoint him.

And finally, my son.  He was cold. He was sick to his stomach.  You name it, he probably complained of it.  He finally got out of bed after I took away electronics and began counting down to the next thing I would take away.  It's 8:23am and he's supposed to be at school by 8:30am.  I'm certain he'll be late.  Better late than never?  I struggle with getting him out of bed and to school on time almost every day.  If anyone has a good way to drag a kid off to school, I'd love to hear it.

Essentially, I stopped thinking about why I shouldn't do the chores and thought of why I ought to get them done.  My animals would quit hounding me, my little part of the world would be cleaner, my husband would be happier with clean socks, and my son would go to school for the day.  Flipping a negative into a positive is one way I motivate myself, even on the days I just don't want to do anything.  Some days, especially if I'm physically at my limits, I do take the day off of cleaning.  Those days are fewer nowadays.  I've stopped thinking so negatively about housework. I've acknowledged how much happier I am when it's done.  I've noticed how much more energy I have when I put in the energy to clean.  It's mentally exhausting for me to avoid something that I should be doing. 

But I Don't Wanna!

So, having a routine is great.  It's on paper, I check things off when I do them, yada yada yada.  I still fight with myself to get certain things done, though.  Of everything on my list, these things remain undone most often on a daily or weekly basis.

So, I have five cats and two dogs - imagine the number of furballs in my house!  With cats, come....litter boxes.  I *hate* cleaning litter boxes.  My family *hates* cleaning litter boxes.  (Why in the world do we have so many cats???  I ask myself this on a daily basis.)  Since everyone hates to clean the boxes, it usually falls to me to do it.  Every once in awhile I'll specifically ask someone to do it, but if I don't ask no one will think to do it.

Cleaning litter boxes is on my to-do list every day.  We have four boxes for five cats (technically five boxes, but one is out in the sunroom and the cats haven't been out there much lately).  The boxes are scattered through the house: two in the utility room, one in the living room and one in the master bedroom.  So,in order to complete the task, I pretty much have to traipse through the whole house.  Whatever  my excuse is, I don't get the litter scooped as often as I should. Luckily our cats are pretty tolerant.  I get the boxes scooped 2 or 3 times a week.  It's not nearly enough and I'm working hard on changing my habits on this one.  It's slow going though.  It's really hard to convince myself to do something that I can't find any pleasure in.  It's not even very satisfactory.  The two main bonuses of having clean boxes are that a) the cats keep their business in the boxes and b) the house doesn't stink of cat.

I mentioned I have a sunroom, right?  It's almost as big as my family room, and unfortunately it is unusable most of the time because we use it as a staging area for things going to our detached garage.  Cleaning it is on my weekly list of things to do.  I skip it a lot. A LOT.  Right now, there are still boxes stacked out there from Christmas, waiting to go to the garage.  The dirt is piling up because we go through the room to let the dogs in and out of the house into the backyard.  It's a shame it is a mess all of the time.  My father in law and I spent several weeks last year ripping up the carpet and tiling the floor.  Especially this time of year (winter in Florida) it would be great to be able to spend time out there.  I keep telling myself that if I get the family to help haul the boxes, I'll be able to clean it in a jiffy.  So far, I haven't even asked the family for help.

I could mention my yard here.  I don't have a good excuse for not working in the yard - I love to garden.  I could mention my utility room here.  I use it daily and I still let it get gross.  Both of these things have days in my routine to get done.  I skip them more often than not.

So, I still have some work to do on establishing my full routine.  I'm determined to get there eventually.  I give myself pep talks, remind myself that it won't take long if I break it up into smaller tasks.  It hasn't worked yet.  I'm still avoiding these jobs.  So, if you have any way to convince me to do them, let me know.  Because I really don't wanna do them!!!

Obstacles in the Path

Through the years, I've had the best of intentions (most of the time) as far as my housework has gone.  Sure, there have been some times that I frankly did not want to do the work.  More often, I made efforts and then got sidetracked.  What are the obstacles that sidetracked me? Why were they so persistent? 

The obstacles range from illness to procrastination, reasons to excuses.  My biggest obstacle has probably been procrastination.  I'm great at it.  I'm procrastinating right now by writing this instead of doing my morning cleaning!  The only cure for procrastination is to make a decision to get the task done.  The biggest challenge to getting something done is starting it.  So, although I can think of all kinds of things I could be doing instead of cleaning, the reality is that if I just start doing it, I'm more likely to finish it. 

I've also had problems with illness and depression through the years.  There's really not a ton that can be done to alleviate these except to seek treatment.  You may also find it beneficial to ask for help if you're in one of these situations.  This past fall I dealt with two months of being too sick to do housework.  I asked my family for help - not just my immediate family, but my parents-in-law as well.  I was so grateful that everyone stepped in to help the house run when I was unable to do it.  I will say if you constantly use illness or depression as an excuse not to do work (if you're not really sick enough to do the work) those around you start to feel used.  Trust me, I've been there.

So, what if you're able to do the work, but don't do it because you feel like everyone else is using you?  As an example, you let the dishes pile up because you feel like your husband should be pitching in and doing them.  I am guilty of doing this - particularly with the trash can.  We call it Trash Can Jenga - see how much you can pile on top of the overflowing trash can before it all topples over.  Whoever loses has to take the trash out.  So, when I realized I was doing this, having resentment against my family for not pitching in, I had to examine where the feelings were coming from and how to fix it.  I realized that I wasn't keeping up my part of the bargain my husband and I had made:  He brought home the money and I did the housework.  If you don't have such an agreement, you may have a different reason for feeling this way.  My solution to feeling this way was a) to do my best to get the housework done and b) to ask for help when I was truly overwhelmed.  Think about it:  in all the time you let the resentment build, did you ever ask for help with specific things?  I find it much more effective to say "Would you please do the dishes?" instead of saying "Could you clean up the kitchen?"  Depending on your situation, you may have valid reasons for feeling resentment towards others in your household.  If that's the case, a frank conversation about your feelings is probably needed so that you can work together to find a solution.  If you stew on the inside it just makes things worse.

I find my routines invaluable in helping me get the work done.  It's taken me years to get to the point where I even have a routine.  It's been a long progression of starts and stops.  Often, I'd be doing well with the routine only to have it fall apart when there's an interruption.  Even something as simple as a long weekend off for the kids could totally ruin my momentum.  So, I'd scrap that routine, go without for awhile, and then try again.  Starts and stops are normal. Don't beat yourself up, just keep trying.  I kept trying and trying and I'm proud to say that even after two months of interruption, I got back to my routine as soon as I was able. I don't want to tempt fate.  My current routine may yet fall apart and I'll have to start over again.  If that's the case, at least I know I made it farther with this one than I did the last.

There are lots of reasons and excuses out there.  These are my big ones.  What are yours?
 

Routinely Done

I am a creature of routine.

I used to wake up, have breakfast, take my medicines (usually), take my son to school, and then come home and take a nap.  I spent my days figuring out ways to avoid chores, which was exhausting. I slept a lot.  Ok, I was also dealing with depression and various medical concerns.  Still, I didn't make any effort to establish a routine which included doing any chores.  Chores were done in a haphazard, sporadic fashion.  Dishes only got done when there was a dire need for clean ones.  Laundry only got done when someone said, "I need clean underwear!"

It took a lot to break these habits.  It took wanting to change the habits.  It also took months of starts and stops.  I made lists for myself, checking off each thing I did as I did it.  Eventually, it began to become second nature.

I'm not into routines that deal with every minute of every day.  Maybe that works for some people, but not for me.  In my routine now, after I drop off my son at school, I do my basic chores.  I've decided that I will do about one room a day.  By now, I've memorized which day goes with which room.  I still print up my weekly schedule and check things off of it when I get them done, though.  My basic chores now take me about 30 minutes to do.  They often took closer to an hour when I started, but I've gotten a rhythm down for each room that makes things go faster.

Having a time and a place for each day has helped me so much.  I'm not spending my energy avoiding chores.  Instead, I have found ways to put in a minimum of effort to accomplish what needs to be done, and I've made it routine.  If I do nothing other than these basic chores for a week, my house will still look neat and cared for.  Without that routine, though, I'd still be doing things haphazardly.  With this routine, I know each part of my house will get cleaned at least once a week.

Establishing routines is one way to develop good housekeeping habits. 

Make a Snowball

Have you ever heard of a 'debt snowball'?  It's a popular financial approach.  Dave Ramsey has made it popular most recently, although I've seen it used by many other financial teaching methods.  Here's how it goes:  You make a list of all your debts. Arrange them from the smallest amount of debt to the largest amount.  Then, you keep paying minimums on all of the debts except the smallest one - that one, you throw any extra money into so that you pay it down quickly.  Once that smallest debt is paid off, you take the amount you were paying on it and roll it into the payments of the next smallest debt.   With each debt you're paying off, you're creating a larger and larger money amount to pay off the next debt.  Get it?  You're making a snowball to pay off your debt.

So, I was thinking about it and the same idea can be used for chores.  Do you feel like you're constantly cleaning around your house and not making a dent in the mess?  Are you spreading your efforts around the house?  Try this:

Start by making a list of all the chores that need to be done in one room of the house - preferably the smallest one, usually the bathroom.  Then arrange those chores by how long they will take to do.  Put the shortest first on the list.  It may take you a week to get through the list, and that's ok.  Take it slow and steady, but keep on plugging away at your list.  In the rest of the house, concentrate on the bare minimum to keep it going - do the dishes, maybe pick up clutter in the most lived in room.  Don't spread your efforts over the whole house though.  Keep them mostly focused on the one room you're working on.

Once you finish that room, you'll probably feel a sense of accomplishment!

Lately I've been using this method to get my home deep cleaned.  I do my minimum chores for each day.  Then I turn my focus to the room I'm working on. I started with my tiny foyer.  It was so easy, I pretty much just wiped off walls and scrubbed the floor.  It got my momentum started, though.  I diverted from the snowball idea, simply because I didn't move on to the next smallest room, but I still turned all of that energy on to the next room: the living room.  I scrubbed every wall and surface, moved things away from the wall to scrub behind them. I cleaned baseboards. The list went on.  After I did the living room, I did the kitchen.

I've been amazed at how much I can get done in a room using this method.  I thought there was no way I'd get through my whole list for the kitchen!  But I finished it by Wednesday!  What a feeling that was!

This week, I'm moving on to the dining room.  I have a huge task here because my china cabinet needs cleaning out.  Not just dusting but decluttering.  I'm dreading this task.  But I know the momentum will build each day. Even if I only do a shelf or cabinet a day, I'll make progress.  I know I may not get it all finished this week, but I hope I do.

Try this chore snowballing effort!  Focusig all of your effort on one room at a time increases your productivity. The Happy Herbivore describes a method of task snowballing too.  Maybe that method will help this idea make sense.  Let me know if you try it.  I'd like to know how it works for you!

It's a Job!

Whether you stay at home or work a job outside the home (or from home, in fact!) keeping house is a job.  Your family "employs" you to get the work done, by tacit agreement.  Whether this is being read by a man, woman or both, maintaining a home's cleanliness should be considered a full time job.


Let's face it.  Some people get paid to do the work you do for free.  In fact, an analysis by Mint.com  showed the relative value of the homemaker - what a person might get paid if they were doing all of the jobs a homemaker does.  It's upwards of $90,000, if you believe it.  However, society doesn't see the same value. 

The lack of respect for stay at home parents is evidenced by the question we're all inevitably asked at some point in our adult lives: "So, what do you do?"  Well, it's not the question which expresses the lack of respect.  It's the reaction when you tell a person that you are a stay at home parent, or worse, a homemaker whose kids have gone to school or are grown.  Matt Walsh wrote a frank and honest post about these kinds of questions when they are aimed at his wife.   His post was quite controversial, actually, drawing fire from both sides of the fence.  He basically defended his wife - stating that yes, she works as a stay at home mom, and her work is very valuable to their family. 

Your personal value rests not in what you do or don't bring home monetarily.  You are valuable to your family because you are YOU.  You are parent, safety and love.  Your value is not dependent on what work you do.  Whether you are a domestic goddess or a cleaning challenged mortal, the contributions you make to your home are bonuses - but not the whole story.

The planning, the work and effort you put into creating a warm, inviting place for your family to rest away from the world's cares does have value.  You'd have to pay someone else to do the same thing for your family, right? 

I've come to believe I must treat housekeeping as a job.  Parenting may be my main job, but housekeeping is the one that takes the most time these days.  If I'm going to do the job, I want to do it to the best of my abilities- I'm blessing my family with each task I complete.  Since I consider it my job, I take responsibility for the work that needs doing.  True, sometimes I delegate that work to some deserving family member.  But I do acknowledge that in the end, it's my responsibility to see it gets done.

Duty, responsibility, blessing....My value rests not in what I do or don't do around the house, any more than it rests on what I may or may not bring home monetarily.  I am valuable, as are you, simply because I am.  I deserve dignity no matter what my job is.  Don't let someone else's bad attitude towards homemaking keep you from believing in your own worth and dignity.  You are important in this world.

 

Having a Positive Attitude - a Game Changer

When staring at the chaos of a messy house, it's really hard to feel positive about anything to do with it.  Cleaning small things hardly seems to make a difference individually and it can be discouraging.  This is where that phrase comes in:

Every small thing you do is a blessing to your home.

How do you put it in to other words which will convince you to keep up the work which seems so impossible? You have to phrase your accomplishments in positive terms, rather than negative. So, instead of saying, "Yeah, I got the dishes done, but my kitchen is still a wreck." You could say, "Yay! I got the dishes done! What an accomplishment that is!"  Once you get the feeling of accomplishment from thinking so positively, you can move on to thinking, "What else can I do to make it better?" rather than thinking, "Ugh, there's still so much left to do."

At Success Through Self Improvement they recommend a number of strategies for finding a positive attitude about life in general.  Smiling, laughing and listening to favorite music are several of the ways.  These can be applied to making cleaning house much more pleasant.  My favorite thing to do is to throw on some upbeat, happy music and dance around while I clean.  The silliness of my dancing often makes me smile and laugh. 

Adopting a positive attitude is a decision you make.  It's deciding how you will react to situations you're in: Will you phrase the situation in a positive light or a negative one?  Inc, recommends this very thing, along with a number of others.  Listing out positive ideas and reviewing them when you feel negative is another great idea.

This is where my lists come in.  I can look at my lists and see the tasks I've crossed off and tell myself what a good job I'm doing.  Or, if I the list is just depressing and overwhelming me, I will remind myself that x task will ONLY take 5 minutes.  Instead of saying to myself, "Oh man, this is going to take FOREVER," I phrase it in a way that is more positive.  It's psyching myself up to get the job done as quickly as possible.This way, at the end, I can look at the job I've done and be proud not just that I did it, but that I got it done quickly.

If none of this works, realize how lucky you are to have a home and enough things to make a mess.  Many people are less fortunate.  If you have to throw thing in the garbage or give things away (or sell them) in order to declutter your house, you are one of the lucky few.  Maybe you wish it would all jus go away, that you didn't have this "problem" to deal with. But think how fortunate you are to have such an abundant life.  Tiny Buddha talks about this idea when creating a positive outlook on life.

Basically, if you're not a naturally positive person, or you've lost the ability to see the world in a positive view, you can teach yourself.  The benefits of having a positive attitude about life are not limited to your ability to clean the house.  The positive attitude will infiltrate your whole existence and make things seem better.  It's all how you look at things.  Choose a positive outlook for a better life.

Take it Slow and Steady

My son hates to do his homework. He has this perception that it will take him a long time to do, so he just doesn't bother starting.  Does this sound familiar?  A lot of times we, as the main cleaners of our home, have the perception that our home is so messy, it'll take forever to clean it....why bother?  Just like with my son and his homework, it's important to look at the task one part at a time.  It can become much less overwhelming then.


For example, it only takes a couple of minutes to unload the dishwasher and to load it up again.  Sweeping the kitchen floor only takes a few minutes.  Dusting a ceiling fan is also a quick job.  There are dozens of quick things to do around the house that will make a dent in the mess.  You've heard it before, and I'll say it again:

Every thing you do for your home is a blessing

There are one minute chores, five minute chores and even eight minute chores, because eight is easier than ten, right?  So, I've put together some links that list out some chores in all of those time increments.  I hope you'll find them as helpful as I have.

Got a Minute? - Housewife How-to's

5 Minute Chores - Chasing Supermom

Focus on 8 minutes - Life Hacker

I hope these ideas will help you find more ways to bless your home with some cleaning.  Small sections of the day committed to doing quick chores can make a huge difference in hacking away the chaos.

Learn a New Skill: Keeping House

I believe that keeping a clean house is a learned skill.  Some people are taught very young the ways to clean a house.  They have good role models to learn from, and so find the transition from student to master of the skill with seeming ease. Children seem to learn with ease.

Some people have to learn the skill when they are older.  Just as with any skill, it can be harder to learn as an adult.  A man named Noel Burch developed a hierarchy of learning, a set of stages that everyone goes through in order to learn a new skill.

 The four stages are outlined here.   Basically, it comes down to first: being unaware that you don't have a skill. Second: being aware that you don't have the skill. Third: being aware that you have a skill. And finally: being unaware that you have a skill.

When it comes to keeping house, you may have all the cleaning skills down pat - you know how to clean a bathroom or to do the dishes.  The skill you need to learn still is how to put it all together into a cohesive whole which leads to a clean home.  I was at this stage for quite awhile.  I didn't really know I didn't have the skill to make it all work together, but I did clean.  My home still was never neat, never all clean at the same time.  I got very frustrated.

When I started researching methods for cleaning house, I came across Flylady.  That website had a model for keeping house.  It utilized cleaning zones and daily chores, and through it all, the website suggested baby steps.  Well, I realized there was a skill I didn't have.  Common wisdom says this is the point where most people wind up.  They realize they don't have a skill, that it's hard to learn that skill, and that repeated attempts keep failing.

For years, easily 12+ years, I attempted and failed to establish a cleaning routine utilizing zones and daily cleaning efforts to keep my house neat.  Maybe I couldn't do it because I had too many distractions in the form of young children.  Maybe I allowed myself to be distracted by my crazy internet friends.  I had lots of "reasons" not to learn the skill.  Who knows which ones apply.  Maybe they were all excuses.  Maybe they were legitimate.

Last year, in the summer, after a rough spot with my husband, I was spurred on to finally learning this skill.  I researched online - you'd think I had the idea by now, right?  Still, I needed a mentor or two.  I can't remember all of the sites I visited then. It was a lot.  Through the course of this research, I built up a set of skills.

I figure I'm now in the stage of knowing I know the skills.  It's part of why I'm so willing to crow about them to anyone who will listen.  I feel accomplished and proud of my newly neat and clean house.  Maybe in another six months, I will be able to mindlessly utilize the set of skills I've learned.  For now, I'm still excited and I want to share.

I Hate Cleaning

I hate cleaning. I do.  I've spent over a dozen years avoiding the cleaning that should be done.

What I do like is a clean house. I like being able to invite people over at short notice and know my home will be welcoming rather than wasted.

I'm the one who spends the most time in the house.  Being mostly a stay at home mom (I work about 10 hours a week) with kids in school, I have hours in my day to spend staring at the walls around me.  And the floors.  And the windows.

The point is: Do I want to stare at dirty walls, floors and windows or do I want to stare at clean ones?  Personally, I'd rather stare at clean ones.  It'd be mighty nice if someone else did the cleaning, but that's just not going to happen around here.

So, in the last year, I slowly figured out what works for me.  It's a process, to be sure.  Helping that progress along is research on the internet, a couple of housecleaning jobs (which paid) and a lot of to-do lists.  Oh, the to-do lists!  I'm still learning.

So, yeah, I hate the process of cleaning.  What I love is the results.  What I brag about to my mom (and anyone who will listen) is the fact that I worked so hard to accomplish this clean house....and it's happening.  I sound obsessed with cleaning my home, but it's because it's such a big deal to me to have a clean house.

I hate cleaning.  Even if it doesn't sound like it.

Overwhelmed by the To-do List

When you have a long to-do list, it's easy to get overwhelmed by everything you "should" be doing.  There are a few ways to tackle the overwhelming to-do list.  I'll explain my way.  Do you have a different way to share?

If you make a long to-do list on a sheet of paper, don't expect to get it all done in one day.  Prioritize the top one or two things and make them your goals for the day.  Think in terms of "What am I going to do now?" rather than "What's on my to-do list?" 

I recently made a list of everything I'd like to see done in my house, from cleaning to repairs to remodeling.  If I look at it as a whole, I think, "HOLY Batman, Robin!  How will I find the time, money and skills to do all of this??"  It's a lot. 

So, when I started my deep cleaning challenge, I took all of the cleaning tasks and divided them room by room.  That formed my deep cleaning to-dos.  But, again, if I look at that to-do list (the one for an individual room) it's easy to get overwhelmed by my wish list.  So, I starred the one I thought was the most important one to get done in that room.  The one that if I did nothing else to clean that room, it would make the biggest difference.  In the kitchen, for me it was the refrigerator.  Monday was the first day of deep cleaning my kitchen and the very first thing I did in there was to clean out my fridge.  Anything else I get done in that room this week is a bonus, because I got the thing that bothered me the most taken care of.

Separating out the cleaning tasks still left me with repairs and remodeling.  Again, I took the repairs, divided them room by room and then prioritized.  Now, if the one thing that will make the biggest difference, or which most needs to get done is something I can do, great.  If I need to hire someone, I'll take care of that.  I'll probably give myself a deadline for that, because it's really easy to put off calling someone.

So, taking to-do lists and breaking them down into smaller chunks is one way to make things less overwhelming.  Prioritizing and giving yourself permission to do just that one in a day or a week - depending on the size of the project - will also help save your sanity.

Remember, it's not about racing to a finish line.  Slow and steady progress is what you're looking for.

The Infamous Cabinet of Storage Containers

Before

After

The Fridge of Doom

Before

This is my task:  to clean this fridge out.  What you can't see is the dirtiness.  Only the cluttered state comes through. 

After

 

Progress, not Perfection

I have taken on the task of deep cleaning my home.  It should take about 12 weeks to hit every area, as I'm focusing on one room a week.  It might sound overwhelming, but it's not really.  For one thing, I've pretty well hit maintenance mode in most of the rooms in my home.  (Did I mention the sunroom?  Yeah, it's an unusable wreck.)  The fact that each room is already at a tolerable level of clean makes it easier to think about digging beneath the surface in each room.

The other reason that it's not overwhelming is that I know I'm not expecting each room to come out perfect.  Sure, it'd be nice if I get through every task I've set myself for each room.  Realistically speaking, I'll run out of time to do each thing.

This week, I'm working on my kitchen.  My cupboards are cluttered, my counter is cluttered, my refrigerator is in desperate need of cleaning out, as is the freezer.  So, I'll do the things that are sanitary matters first, like the fridge and freezer.  Then I'll hit the other tasks.

I'll only do what I'm physically able to do each day, and I'll only do what I have time for each day.  I will take regular breaks - I'll probably set my timer for 30 minutes and work til it goes off.  Rest for a bit and then back to it.

The goal is not to have a spotless kitchen at the end of the week.  (I won't lie: I hope it's quite clean.) I AM looking for a more organized kitchen than I started with.

Before I start my deep cleaning each day, I'll do my regular chores.  Today, it's cleaning the bathrooms.  It will take me about 30 minutes total to do two bathrooms.  I'll hit the ground running as soon as I drop off my son at school.

It feels really good to be able to deep clean my house.  I feel like I accomplish something each day.  I brag about how clean my home is now when I talk to my mom....it's pretty sad, actually. It's all I have to talk about!  When my father-in-law comes over and comments on what a big difference there is now versus before, though, it feels fantastic.

What jobs around your house would make a big difference in how your home looks?  Deep cleaning may not be what you need to do right now.  Walk through your house with eyes to individual tasks or areas that need the most cleaning.  Make a list.  Prioritize the list.  Then decide when you'll do the first task and then get it done!  Progress, not perfection. Do a little at a time.

Help! My family won't pitch in!

Ok.  My family LOVES to make a mess.  If there's a mess to be made, they'll do it.  From cluttered desks to piles of laundry to piles of dishes, my family can make our home feel dirty. No matter how often I tried, they were always resistant to doing any cleaning.   My husband was the best - he was relatively willing to do dishes when they needed it. 

I'll tell you the well kept secret of those moms whose kids are always happy to pitch in and help and whose husbands so willingly pull their weight around the house.  The house is already clean.  You heard me right:  Their house is already clean before they ask for help. 

So, what's the use of asking for help?  Maintenance.

So, say your house is a mess. (I know, it's hard to imagine, right???)  You keep nagging at your family to help you clean.  What they probably see is not the individual mess they make, but the overwhelming task of cleaning the whole cluttered, dirty place in one day.  You also know how they feel. You don't want to clean it either!

Now, say your house is relatively clean.  Instead of nagging your family, they actually take care of their clutter without being asked...at least a lot of the time.  Why?  It's easy for them to see the wreck they've made of the place, and therefore easier to wrap their brains around picking it up.

But how do you wrap your own brain around cleaning it all up on your own?  Well, you do it little by little.  It's not going to happen in one day.  If you try to do it all in one day, you wind up exhausted and cranky.

Yesterday, I was so tired.  I didn't have a logical reason for it really: I spent the morning doing things for my blog, went to work for three hours, and came home and napped.  I got up from my nap when my husband got home.  To my surprise, he started doing the dishes.  I felt so bad that I hadn't gotten that done, or taken out the trash, or done anything around the house, I apologized to him.  He smiled and said, "Hey, we all have off days.  I don't mind getting things done on your off days."  If every day is an off day, though, he gets resentful of pitching in.

I think this is especially true for the housewife.  I know that 15 years ago, when we decided I would mainly be a stay at home mom, the deal was that I would take care of the house and he would bring home the money.  I did a sad job with my end of the deal for a long time, even though I couldn't have asked for a better provider.  He would work all day at the office, come home and find the house a wreck and me laying around napping or watching tv.  So, he did the dishes and cooked dinner, muttering the whole time about doing it.  It's a different world now.  Even if he comes home and finds me napping, he knows I did something around the house each day, because the house is much neater than it was before.  I usually have the dishes done and dinner in the works, so it's not so hard on him on the days I could use the help.

Basically, I can only speak from my experiences.  I have found though that my family groans and moans less about pitching in now that the tasks are far easier to do in a short amount of time.  I even find that the cleaning bug is contagious.  My teenage daughter CLEANED her room, without being asked, and all on her own not too long ago.  I was shocked.

Good things happen when you put the effort in.  Your hard work is an inspiration to those around you.  Want to get your family to help?  You have to start the effort.

Room by Room or Task by Task?

Some cleaning dockets set up the week by task. On Monday you dust; on Tuesday, you do the floors.  The advantage of doing the work this way is that you only have one set of tools out at a time.  On Monday, all you need is your duster.  On Tuesday, your broom and mop or your vacuum. I think this way of cleaning is better for after you hit a maintenance level of clean in your house.

Even once I hit that level, though, I will prefer my room by room method.  Room by room cleaning means that every room has its day to be cleaned.  I clean my rooms from top to bottom - declutter, dust and then the floors.  I have a handful of tools I use - I keep it to a minimum so that I'm not overwhelmed with them.  I use a wool duster, a broom and dustpan, a mop and a bucket.  That's it. Nothing complicated.  I have tile floors throughout my house, so the broom and mop work well for me.

When I clean my home, I know it will take a week to hit the main rooms. I don't clean my kids' rooms for them, unless they really need the help.  I will also skip some rooms, such as the sun room or the utility room if I want to or I need a couple of free days.  (Right now, I keep skipping the sun room and it is in bad shape!)   Since I know it will take a week, I can plan accordingly for big events.

This week, we're having a birthday party at our house.  I'm not panicked about the house being clean enough for guests for two reasons. One, I've been keeping up with my cleaning for the past several weeks and the house just needs some touch ups today to be ready.  Two, the room I was most spazzing about - the living room, which is the first one people walk into - finally got cleaned up this week.  Before it had been cluttered and full of piles of junk.  Some of it needed to go to the thrift store.  Some of it needed to be pitched.  And some just needed to be put away.  Regardless, I finally made it happen.  I wish I had taken before and after pictures!

I'm sure task by task has similar benefits - in that every task has its day to be done.  I just don't have the wherewithal to clean all of my floors in one day!  At least with the room by room method, my body experiences different movements as I clean, rather than the same movement over and over.  My back suffers less this way.

In the end, you have to pick which method suits you best.  Try them both and see what works for you. 

The Tool I Started With

So, saying I went from Chaos to Clean is great and all.  It's ok to recount the way I felt in the past and the ideas I found from websites out there to help get organized and get clean.  BUT, were there actual tools I used to make the change, to help me mentally get to where I am today?

I know I said FlyLady is too routinized for me.  The daily planners that dictate what I do when are not for me.  I can't schedule every little thing I do.  What about "life" - you know, that messy thing that interrupts the best laid plans?  "Life" seems to happen every day for me!  So, I knew from looking and trying it out, that the daily "every minute accounted for" planner was not for me.

I did find a routine though.  I found it because I found cleaning dockets.  If you're like me, you thought "docket? What's a docket?"  It's just a list of things to do.  After researching lots of different dockets online, and trying a few of those examples, I finally decided to make one of my own. 

First I decided whether I wanted to clean by room or by task.  By task means washing all of the floors in one day, for example.  By room means doing everything to get the room clean from dusting to decluttering to floors.  I decided to go by room.  It seemed less overwhelming to me than trying to get all of the floors in the house done in a day.

Then I went to each room and made a list of the things I'd like done in each room.  I didn't stress over specifics, except in the bathroom.  In the bathroom, I wanted to be sure I had each small task listed from cleaning the toilet to replacing the stash of toilet paper in the room.  Why?

Well, by listing each task out, it gave me the option to skip tasks if I didn't have the time or energy in a day.  It let me quickly see which tasks had the highest priority so that I could do those first.  Some things, the sanitary things, are more important to get done in the bathroom, let's face it.

I usually find that if I do nothing else, I clean the floors.  It makes me happy to have clean floors, even if they only last until a cat or dog drops a furball. What makes the house feel clean to you?  That's the task you want to have the highest priority.

So, with the docket made, I began to work on my house.  I knew that any given task on the list could be skipped, as long as I did something on the list that day.  And in the beginning, each task was laborious because of the clutter around the house, so I didn't always make it beyond picking stuff up from the floor.  But the next week, when I got to that room again, it was a little easier to pick up the clutter and I got a little further in the cleaning.

The biggest thing the docket did was help me set a weekly routine.  Now I know that on Mondays, I clean bathrooms.  On Wednesdays, I clean the kitchen. And so on.  I tend to take the weekends off - from Friday to Sunday - because I work Fridays and Sundays, and I like to spend time with my family on Saturdays.  But I still have tasks listed on Friday and Saturday in case I feel the urge to clean something.

So, the biggest tool that shifted the way I clean, was the cleaning docket.  From reading online, I know that each one is as individual as the person that makes it.  So, you can try using someone else's but I highly recommend making your own.

Does your sink ever look like this?

So, your sink is piled with dishes...what now?  Do you choose to ignore them or do you clean them up?  If you ignore them, the pile will be bigger later.  If you do them now, there will only be more to do later.  What to do.....

Fighting Inertia

"Objects in motion, tend to stay in motion. Objects at rest, tend to stay at rest."  Inertia.  How do I fight it?  When I first started trying to get my house clean, it was a battle.  I did little jobs throughout the day, rather than doing every chore early in the day.  I would set my timer for 15 minutes (or 10 minutes, or 5 minutes, depending on my energy levels that day) and do a task for those 15 minutes.  If it wasn't done, it didn't matter.  I stopped. I went to rest again.

After doing this for several weeks, I decided there was a more efficient way to work.  First of all, I have to get up to take my son to school each morning.  So, since I was up and moving anyhow, I just started doing my daily chores as soon as I got home.  I was doing the bare minimum to keep up the house: dishes, maybe some laundry, and wiping down the bathroom (but not really cleaning it).  I was living with the principle that every small job I do is a blessing to my family.  No doubt, some of the jobs were small.

Meanwhile, I was getting more and more interested in seeing my house get clean.  I began researching on the internet to find ways to organize myself for cleaning.  I found many ideas. I implemented a few.  The ideas are out there, if you have the motivation to look for them (and then use them).

Ideas Gleaned

Flylady has some great ideas.  Cleaning zones, better organization....the list of things that are good about the site is actually long.  However, I fell apart at the routines.  They are too strict for me!  Plus, as my sister in law pointed out - I don't wanna wear lace up shoes when I'm at home! That's my barefoot time!

One of my favorite ideas from Flylady, though, is the idea that "Everything you do to clean your home is a blessing."  No matter how small the effort is, how incomplete I think the job is, the fact that I put effort into it today is a blessing was a radical idea to me.  I don't have to clean an entire house at once???  I don't even have to get one room completely clean at once?  I can do the dishes but not wipe down the counters?  I can scrub the toilet but not clean the whole bathroom? 

Every small thing you do to organize or clean your house blesses your home.

When I first started getting myself together and cleaning regularly, I didn't always have the motivation to get started.  When I reminded myself that I'd be blessing my home and family by doing just a little, it was easier to get up and get it done.  I'd found some of my motivation.  It was incomplete still, but I had something to get me started each day.

Accept It!

So, "they" say that the first step to making a change is acceptance.  If you're anything like me, you know quite well that you are living in chaos.  You're just not sure how to fix it, or even if you want to put the effort in TO fix it. So, first you have to accept the fact that you don't want to live in a home that's a wreck all the time.

How do you do that?  I don't know!!!  I know it was an evolution of thinking for me.  It was the strain of worrying about who would stop by and when which wore me down.  It was the constant state of my kitchen (dishes everywhere, all of the time) which made it hard for me to feed my family home-cooked meals.  It was the financial strain of eating out all of the time. One way or another, something had to change.

Once I accepted that a change had to happen, I began to look for ways to make the change.  There are a lot of resources out there on the internet.  Probably one of the most popular is Flylady.  She preaches baby steps.  Her method was my first eye-opening look at how to hack away at Chaos. You can check her out at flylady.net.  Although her method is not for me, maybe it will work well for you!

Acceptance is only a part of the equation.  I still found motivation an issue.  I would start a method like Flylady, but after the thrill of a shiny sink faded, I found myself letting it slip to the wayside and I was living in a wreck again.  Motivation has to come from within, "they" say.  So, while you're thinking about accepting your situation, that it must change, think about why you want it to change.  What goals, short term and long term, do you have for your home?  Would having a clean(er) home make you happy?

 

Living in Chaos

So....what does living in Chaos look like? Well, you probably already know...but just in case you don't:

Wake up in the morning and notice how dirty your sheets are.  Try to ignore the fact that the comforter on your bed reeks.  In the bathroom, the toilet makes you gag a little even as you sit on it, its bowl is stained and gross.  Washing your hands involves a quick rinse because you don't have any soap, and you shake your hands to dry them because you don't have any clean towels.

You trip your way down the cluttered hallway.  The kids have piled toys in one corner, you've piled books in another.  And the animals have deposited furballs everywhere too.  The piles of junk continue as you walk into the kitchen.  Here they are on the counter.  All over the counter.  Dirty dishes, pizza boxes, pots and pans crusted with old food.  Carry out containers - because your kitchen is too messy to cook in.  The sink is full of more dirty dishes and the grout along the back splash of the sink is mildewy and black.  You skip breakfast, simply because you've lost your appetite in that kitchen.

This is just a taste of it.  There are piles of clutter on every available surface.  The floors haven't been vacuumed or mopped, or even swept in over a month.  You would rather buy more clothes than do laundry.  You trip over the kids' toys everywhere you go.  And boy! Do those legos hurt when you step on them!

Chaos looks exactly like it sounds.  There is not an iota of organization anywhere.  The same Chaos that breeds in the house, lives in your head too.  You can't find the energy or motivation to clean.  Why bother when it will just get dirty again in no time flat?  Why bother picking up the kids' toys? They just pull them out again and leave them behind when they are ready for another game.  Why bother nagging anyone to clean up  behind themselves? All you hear is whining and grumpiness, even from your husband.

The Chaos keeps you from inviting people over.  You begin to say things like "Love me, love my mess."  You warn people who stop by to "Just ignore the mess," all the while praying that they don't try to stop by again.

Wait. You get word that your parents are coming to visit.  You immediately feel the pressure to have a clean house.  Oh, by the way, they are coming to your house in just two days!  The pressure is mounting!  How in the world are you going to get your house clean in that amount of time?! 

Easy. You shove things into closets, just to get them off the floor.  You maybe shove some dirty dishes in the oven or maybe you even get up the motivation (finally) to put some in the dishwasher to clean.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  Maybe just some of it is typical for you.  I've done all of it at least once in the last 15 years.  Either way, I found it absolutely DRAINING to live in the chaos.  I didn't realize how draining it was until I started on my journey from Chaos to Clean.

An Introduction

So, I have been a housewife/stay at home mom for 15 years or so.  At first, it was both a privilege and a horrible responsibility.  I had no idea how to keep a house clean!  I thought I had an idea of how to be a mom, and I did ok with one kid.  When the second came along...well, the house went forgotten and I had to focus on the kids.  (The second child had special needs.  Life was hard during his lifetime.)  Then along came the third child, the house, which had never benefited from regular cleaning, was once more put on the back burner as I took care of a tiny human being.

Now I've got a ten year old and a fifteen year old, and life is different.  Not only do I have more time on my hands with both of them at school during the day, but it's become clear that I have a job to do beyond being a mom.  It's a job I've spent 14 years denying I needed to do.  It's a job which was overwhelming for those 14 years.  Slowly, I'm climbing out of the hole of overwhelming. I'm hacking away at the chaos that is my home, turning it from scary messy to liveable and neat.